WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
