i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
