how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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