so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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