She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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