i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize