your room smells of hookers.
And success
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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