Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Randomize
