A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
