im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
