dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The power of my boobs compel you
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
