I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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