Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.