Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
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What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
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Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.