Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.