Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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