help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS