Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
