His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
