My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
