what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
