Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
