You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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