ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
sex in a hospital.. check
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
