Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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