She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
