i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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