you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
