Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
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