I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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