I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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