I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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