kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize