Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
