In the future we'll all be gay
kristin has been a bad kristin
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
