NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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