why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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