Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
