escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
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i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
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She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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