hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
