I wish I could punch you in the face.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
