Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize