he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
