I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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