Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
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I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
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Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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