I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
