Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
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We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
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Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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