It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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