Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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