When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
