found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The power of my boobs compel you
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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