you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
