My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
