I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
