I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
