I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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