If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
