And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
how drunk are you?
Several
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
