They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
