somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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