I'm eating all of the evidence.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
