a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize