what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
