I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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