i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
