but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
