Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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