you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
