I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize