I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize