watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
