Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Quick, to the slutcave!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i wish my penis had a tongue
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
