He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
