you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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